My Dogs Will Narc on You

Hippo, left, and Johnny take a break from barking.

A sign posted in our flower bed announces the protection of a professional alarm service, but it's rather redundant with the dogs who live here.

I am confident that neither Johnny, my 7-year-old black lab-shepherd mix, or Hippo, my husband's 1-year-old pit-bulldog mix, would ever harm anyone, as long as we're home, but they sure do love to herald the arrival of anyone near our property with ferocious barking.

Note: No, we do not leave the baby alone with either one of the dogs. Ever. But the dogs do seem to be growing even more protective of their pack since it gained a tiny little member.

I'm still learning Hippo's language, but I know Johnny's distinct barks. I can tell whether it's the garbage men or the mailman who is setting him off, and he especially hates the Big Brown Truck. Hippo seems most offended by robins in the front yard.

But nothing raises the four-legged alarm like a stranger.

Earlier this week, Johnny erupted into that very bark, and I saw through a front window a carload of young teenage boys had pulled into our secluded cul de sac and parked off our front yard. They figured they were on a public street, but as far as Johnny was concerned they were on our turf.

When I saw them passing something back and forth, and then putting something in their eyes, I concurred with Johnny.

Normally I would have gone all Mama Bear and confronted them. But as a mama of a brand new cub, I was dressed only in a nightgown stained with breast milk leaks and was thus unpresentable to even doped-up boys trying to get the red out if their eyes before going home.

Instead, I called for my husband. "Dan! There are kids doing drugs on our lawn!"

He came into the foyer holding our infant and peered outside. "Should I go out there?"

"Yes. But leave the baby. And take the dogs."

I would have given anything to see the looks on those boys' faces when a very military-looking man, a big black dog and a stocky white dog all burst through the front door of our home and strode through the front yard. Instead I had to be satisfied with watching them speed away.

And I will be keeping my eye out for that car. Some day I might just follow it to whatever front yard in which it belongs parked, and I may just set off whatever alarm system goes with the house in which I hope to find some parents.

I might even bring Johnny and Hippo along.